Meeting your Ex at your reunion
Posted on April 3, 2009 - Filed Under Class Reunion | Leave a Comment
Admittedly, it may not be an ideal situation. Running into an ex-partner at your reunion can be awkward, intimidating and, yes, even stressful. However, we are often our own worst enemies and, therefore, we tend to torture ourselves with expectations and possibilities. Perhaps it’s been ten years or more since you saw your ex, or maybe you’ve kept in touch via e-mail (and letters, before technology was king) but haven’t stood face-to-face since high school.
Sometimes, nervousness associated with an old flame reunion stems from harboured feelings of hurt or resentment. Teenage breakups can be devastating and the experience can carry over into future relationships for years. There is nothing like young love and oftentimes, even the most gentle of high school splits can wreak havoc on an adolescent heart. If you found your boyfriend under the bleachers with the head cheerleader, or if your straight-A girlfriend hired the cute exchange student as a tutor, that pain may still feel very real, even all these years later.
Hesitation to face an ex may also be traced to your current situation. If you consider a great job and a beautiful family to be the ultimate measures of success – and you possess both – you will no doubt walk into that reunion with your head held high. On the other hand, if you feel your situation is lacking, you may be dreading the thought of informing your ex that you’re still ironing out the wrinkles in your life.
Fortunately, there are ways to lessen the discomfort and possible embarrassment. First and foremost, confidence is a must. If you can’t be happy about the way your life turned out, you certainly can’t convince others of the same, particularly an ex. Take a long, hard look at your circumstances and identify the brightest spots. Let’s say you’re a writer who has yet to publish a book, but you work a regular gig as a columnist. While you may not consider the column to be the height of your success, your former partner may prove to be impressed.
Next, looking good is crucial. True, it may sound shallow, but it’s a major component of self-assurance. Revel in a great facial or massage, dish out a few dollars for a good haircut and style, and buy a new outfit especially for the reunion that highlights your assets and downplays your flaws. If you don’t have the financial resources to be frivolous, don’t worry – you can still turn heads on a budget.
It is also vital to constantly remind yourself how many years have passed. Simply put, the topics and situations you fear may not even be a concern for your ex. In fact, he or she may actually be looking forward to seeing you again. This is your time to shine, to show others what you’ve become and to make it obvious that you are not who you used to be. Even if your personality is the same, your life has changed.
Once armed with a knockout appearance and a long list of conversational pieces, it’s time to hit the reunion. On the way there, occupy your mind by thinking about the other classmates you want to see, then force yourself to stay distracted by making predictions about their jobs and accomplishments. Often, it’s the hours prior to an event that make us the most nervous because we start to create unlikely predicaments in our heads. You may daydream about your ex laughing in your face, refusing to speak to you, or announcing that he or she has become extremely successful.
Although being happy for an ex is the more mature road to take, it can be hard to act excited about a former partner’s triumphs if bitterness rears its ugly head. Keep things in perspective. If you spot your ex across the room, don’t try to hide – regardless of the sweaty palms or nausea that fight to consume you, the ball is in your court. Your reunion will be whatever you make of it, and it could turn out to be a very pleasant experience.
Remember, high school reunions are about catching up with old friends and – given the time frame – it’s normal to be nervous. However, don’t let an ex ruin the event for you. There’s a good chance that whatever trepidation you feel when it comes to sharing your own victories, your ex feels the same. The trick is to put a spin on the situation so you are presented in a new light, one that makes you feel exceptionally good about yourself.
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